


the optimist sees green lights everywhere

by Ashling



Category: Fast and the Furious Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crime Podcast, Embedded Images, F/M, Podcast, inspired by a screencap, one of these days I will write a sensible TFATF fic but today is not that day, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21701998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashling/pseuds/Ashling
Summary: Kat knew her first full-time job as a podcaster would be tough and weird, but this? This is fucking bonkers.
Relationships: Gisele Harabo/Han Lue
Comments: 13
Kudos: 14
Collections: Writing Rainbow Green





	the optimist sees green lights everywhere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [infernal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/infernal/gifts).



> infernal, I was very tickled by your sign-up!

KAT: Hi! I’m Kat Dee, the host of _Ride or Die_ , a podcast about extraordinary relationships. Today, I’m at the desert getaway of the mysterious Han, a man renowned in the underground racing culture of California not only for his skill at the wheel, but also for his fierce competition with his lovely wife, Gisele. I’m extremely excited to meet you, Han!

HAN: I’m excited to meet you too! My little brother says you’re the best tutor in the world. Better than me.

KAT: Ha, well, that was years ago. My algebra’s gotten pretty rusty. But I gotta say, Han, I’ve done a lot of podcasts, and this is the most clandestine interview I’ve ever taken. I mean, a bag over my head for a two-hour drive? 

HAN: I hope it wasn’t too uncomfortable for you.

KAT: To be honest, I just napped. But I miss having my phone. The recorder’s just not the same.

HAN: I like living a private life. And I can’t be too careful.

KAT: Well, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to keep the house to yourself. It’s absolutely lovely here. As is your wife.

HAN: Thank you. 

KAT: Could you tell me a little about how you first met?

GISELE: Babe? Time to go.

HAN: What’s up?

GISELE: We’re being watched.

HAN: Berlin?

GISELE: Dubai.

HAN: Time to drive. Kat, you take shotgun. 

KAT: What’s going on? Holy shit.

GISELE: Would you like a gun, Katherine?

KAT: No! Why?

GISELE: Just in case.

KAT: In case of what?

GISELE: If it might make you more comfortable. It’s going to be a long ride. It might be a very busy ride. You know what? I'll just bring you a nice Beretta, just in case.

KAT: Define busy. 

HAN: We can continue the podcast on the way, how’s that?

HAN: ...We had the flash drive at that point, and we felt pretty sure that if we could just give it to Dom, then he’d be able to convince Ramsey to decrypt it for us, and that would be the job half done right there.

KAT: So why didn’t you just meet up with Dom in Spain? 

HAN: Well, we ran into Shaw. 

GISELE: Terrible man. 

KAT: Sorry, which Shaw is this? Deckard or Owen?

HAN: Owen. 

GISELE: You can tell them apart, because Owen is the one I killed, and Deckard’s our friend now.

KAT: Sorry, can you say that again?

GISELE: Oh, you don’t need to apologize so much. It’s no trouble.

KAT: Am I apologizing a lot? Sorry, I’ll try to stop. I don’t mean to be rude, what was that about telling the Shaw brothers apart? Could you say that again, Gisele?

GISELE: Well, Owen is dead, Deckard is not, and we’re all pretty happy about it. Wouldn’t you say, babe?

HAN: Very happy. 

GISELE: Blissful, really. 

[A short silence.]

KAT: Hey, guys, I hate to be a bummer here, and it sure is romantic, but could you maybe keep your eyes open and on the road while you’re driving? Han?

GISELE: Oh, Katherine, it’s a very straight highway. No need to worry.

KAT: Um, but it is a highway, though?

GISELE: Oh, all right.

KAT: Thank you, sorry. Now, and I hate to harp on about this, but my meds combined with sleep deprivation and my own personality do occasionally make me fall into intense daydreams, so I just want to make sure I heard you right. You killed Owen Shaw?

GISELE: Yes.

HAN: What are you, a cop? 

[Gisele and Han laugh.]

KAT: No, I’m just a girl who’s trying to figure out how I’m going to make the first episode of a podcast called _Who Killed Owen Shaw?_ when I already know who killed Owen Shaw.

HAN: Oh, I thought this was a podcast about relationships. 

KAT: That was my cover story, which I was supposed to maintain until I had solved the mystery. Not that it matters now.

GISELE: Don’t look so sad, Katherine, you did such a good job! You found out the mystery in only two days! 

KAT: This is supposed to be a twelve-episode podcast.

HAN: Oh.

[A short silence.]

KAT: Might as well keep telling the story. I am pretty curious about how it ends.

HAN: Well, that's the thing. It hasn't really ended yet.

  
  
  
  
  
  


KAT: The presenting sponsor of _Who Killed Owen Shaw?_ is ZipRecruiter! It’s June, which means seasonal jobs galore! Mothers need babysitters, pools need lifeguards, and you need to check out ZipRecruiter! There’s a lot of roles to fill in a short amount of time, and you need a quick, efficient way to—guys. Guys, please. The highway isn’t even straight here, it’s definitely curving.

HAN: It’s a gentle curve.

KAT: ...Okay. The presenting sponsor of _Who Killed Owen Shaw?_ is ZipRecruiter! It’s June, which means seasonal jobs—hey, are you kidnapping me?

GISELE: No, of course not. Why would we do that?

KAT: I mean, I know you killed Owen Shaw now. And I have audio of you talking about the crime.

HAN: Hey, it was in defense of others. Me, particularly.

KAT: That’s really romantic, but I don’t know if the police will love it. And probably someone who listens to these podcasts is going to at least have a police officer for a dad, and tell them about it.

[Gisele and Han laugh.]

HAN: Oh, we already have the FBI after us as we speak. I mean, we kind of had a working relationship with the Diplomatic Security Service, but then Hobbs went rogue and he’s with us now, so double whammy there. And Interpol definitely doesn’t like us.

GISELE: Interpol’s not friendly, but it’s not that angry, either. I think it’s MI6 who are chasing us the hardest. Don’t you think?

HAN: THE DSS is pretty mad.

GISELE: But after the British Museum…

HAN: Yeah. You’re probably right.

KAT: I’m sorry, you’re the ones who robbed the British Museum?

GISELE: That was mostly my old friend Debbie. We were only helping out with some driving.

[Kat speaks quietly.]

KAT: Am I hallucinating?

HAN: Hm?

KAT: Just gonna start over. The presenting sponsor of _Who Killed Owen Shaw?_ is ZipRecruiter! It’s June, which means seasonal jobs galore! Maybe I’ll be able to find one, once I’ve been released from prison!

GISELE: Don’t be silly, Kat. We don’t go to prison. 

KAT: We?


End file.
